Should I stay or should I go...?

It's Wednesday, around 1 pm, in Paris, 15th arrondissement. One of the safiest districts of Paris. Or at least that's what I thought, until that day. 
I'm going downstairs to pick up my clothes from the laundry, as I've been doing for the last 2 years. When I get there, the washing machine I used is empty, just one pair of socks is left. The verdict: somebody stole my clothes! Ok, not a big deal in the end, it's just a bit disappointing as it has never happened to me before, in 8 years that I've lived here. Out of natural curiosity though I ask the lady who's there if she saw the person emptying my machine. She says it was a guy, with strange marks on his face. I talk to the lady for a moment, considering reporting this theft to the police, but then - why bother just for a few clothes? 
While we're talking, I see a guy on the other side of the street, with an Ikea bag, just like the one I'm using for my laundry. The lady confirms to me it's the guy she saw. I instinctively start walking towards him, he does have some scars on his face and he seems weak, as if under some "substances", so it's quite easy for me to grab my Ikea bag from his hands. I'm relieved, I got my clothes back!
And the story could have had its happy-ending here, if only the lady hadn't told him he should leave or she would call the police. She repeated that two times I think. But two times were enough. He followed us inside the laundry and suddenly took out a swiss knife out of his pocket. He threatened us for a few seconds with it and then left. It all happened really fast, but I can assure you that I saw all my life in a flashback at that moment...
I couldn't stop shaking when the guy left. I stayed in the laundry for a few more minutes, talked with the lady. We concluded with saying that soon it will be dangerous to even get out of your own apartment here...

When I got back home, I put the clothes to dry, had a good lunch, and tried to live the rest of the day normally. But I got a strange feeling nothing will be "normal" anymore, that something broke in me, that I lost my trust and faith in that city. "The city of lights" I used to be so crazy about! 
I'm at that point of my life when I can still make a choice and make a change. If not now then when?! I do not depend on anybody and nobody depends on me either... It seems like a perfect moment...

A good friend of mine recently told me: "We have the choice only when we get positive responses". I recall that phrase very often since I first heard it. And I think every day I am getting more and more convinced where I want those positive responses to come from...

Abracadabra?

Well, not exactly. My name is not Harry Potter, nor live I in a Fantasy Land, nor can I make things happen with a simple touch of a magic stick. Although sometimes I wish I could!
This was not about magic, it was about the hard work, a lot of effort, perseverance, sweat and tears. But I made it!

The verdict came this week. I went to see my nutritionist, Claire, as I've been doing regularly every 2 weeks, since May 2014. It all goes as planned: she asks me how the last 2 weeks went, if I had any particular eating "events & accidents". I am always honest with her (otherwise this whole working together wouldn't make any sense), so this time I admitted that I had a lot (too much!) chocolate (I brought some from my last trip to Poland and so I sinned). Then the crucial moment of each visit comes: I get on the super duper electronic scale. The thrill gets in when I look at the numbers going up, up, up. And then it stops. And then I feel like jumping all over the place! I'm happy, excited, shocked and proud of myself in the same time! Claire smiles to me and cogratulates. She is very happy for me as well, she truly is, as she knows what a struggle this has been sometimes for me, but she always knew how to keep me motivated in the hardest moments (Merci Claire!)
10 kilos, the first 10 kilos are lost, gone, "sayonara" to them! The first big milestone achieved! And I say it's the first one, cause I am not done yet. I won a battle but not yet the war. When we started this "fight" with Claire, I set up myself a weight goal to reach, and I am more and more convinced and confident that I can get there. Even if that means waiting another year, it's worth the wait. Slowly but surely!

I need to add though that this achievement is not only important for me because of the health and physical appearance reasons. Of course, it's great to feel good in your own body, to enjoy the view in the mirror, especially when you now manage to put on the clothes which were too tight for you for so long. It's awesome when you see friends after a while or they see your new profile photo on Facebook and they immediately say: "Waow, you lost on weight a lot! You look great!". Compliments can be so empowering!
But, there is another impact this metamorphosis is having on me, more psychological. Losing these 10 kilos means closing off a certain chapter in my life, getting rid of the "burden" gained during a long-term relationship, which is not one of my best souvenirs. Today I feel like I could move the mountains, I can start off something new, I can achieve more, I can be successful at things I would have never thought of...

A Letter to Myself

Have you ever tried writing a letter to yourself? I have. And  not only tried, but today I did it already for the second time. I know it might seem completely crazy to you, the way it sounds, but believe me - it's not, it's actually nice to read the words you wrote to your Future Self a few years back.

Yes, that's exactly what I do - I write letters to myself "from the future". I started that in 2009, when I was 25 and I wrote a letter to myself which I was supposed to open only when I get 30. And today I wrote the second one - which I will open on the day of my 35th birthday (I cannot wait!).

Now you should ask: "So what are you actually writing in those letters?" Well, first I tend to say a bit about my present life, what has happened and what is still happening in the year when I am writing it. I share my general thoughts about life, about how I see my future in 5 years (I try to write these letters every 5 years). Then I make some wishes to the "Anna from the Future", basing on what I do and feel right now. I also mention my Friends and my Family. I talk about work, travels, dreams... Wishing that the Future Anna will have realized them by the time she reads that letter.

And what happens in the moment of actually reading that letter from Anna from the Past? I smile, sometimes even laugh, I get shocked, surprised, satisfied or disappointed. But overall this is a very happy and inspiring moment, after your yet another birthday party is over. It's a bit like making a revision of your 5-year resolutions. You can see what you succeeded at, where you failed and what is still to be accomplished in your life. And those are the things you can still put in your next letter, so you have another 5 years to make it come true!

One advice though: once it's written, remember to put it in a place where it will be easy to find 5 years from now. And then... don't forget to read it when the time comes :)

"We all have an obligation to be happy" :)

One day I got a call from a Friend. She was simply checking on me, my health and my mood, asking how I keep myself occupied when staying at home. A normal chit-chat girls do from time to time.

What I forgot to mention though is that we've known each other long enough already to know our likes and dislikes, to know what makes us happy and what inspires each of us. And this time it's me who got inspired! 

My Friend recommended to me watching the movie "Hector and the Search for Happiness". But first, as a great Google fan I decided to do some research on this one. And I found out there is actually a book, a best-seller, on which this movie was based. I told myself: why not?! I have plenty of free time anyway!

I finished the book in one day. It was nice, cheerful and happy! One of the rare books which actually make me smile when I read. Awesome feeling!

On his journey, Hector "researched" and noted down a few Happiness Lessons, which I decided to note down for myself as well. They are mostly very simple truths, but the truths we usually forget when we rush every day and all the time from point A to point B...

1. Making comparisons can spoil your happiness.
2. Happiness often comes when least expected. 
3. Many people see happiness only in their future. 
4. Many people think that happiness comes from having more power or more money.
5. Sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story. 
6. Happiness is a long walk in beautiful, unfamiliar mountains.
7. It's a mistake to think that happiness is the goal. 
8. Happiness is being with the people you love. 
8b. Unhappiness is being separated from the people you love. 
9. Happiness is knowing your family lacks for nothing. 
10. Happiness is doing a job you love. 
11. Happiness is having a home and a garden of your own. 
12. It's harder to be happy in a country run by bad people. 
13. Happiness is feeling useful to others. 
14. Happiness is to be loved for exactly who you are. 
15. Happiness comes when you feel truly alive. 
16. Happiness is knowing how to celebrate. 
17. Happiness is caring about the happiness of those you love. 
18. Happiness could be the freedom to love more than one woman at the same time. (lol!)
19. The sun and the sea make everybody happy. 
20. Happiness is a certain way of seeing things. 
21. Rivalry poisons happiness. 
22. Women care more than men about making others happy. 

23. Happiness means making sure that those around you are happy? 

My favorites are: 2, 8, 10, 13, 14. And which ones would You pick? 

Once you've read the book, I truly advise you to watch the movie. Both book and the movie make a great set: the book will make you smile, the movie as well, but it might also make you cry...

Enjoy your Happiness! :)

"Real Wealth is Health"

... as Robin Sharma once said. And we usually realize it only when we start losing it. When we are young we think that we are capable of anything, that we can always go beyond our limits, forcing our bodies to achieve sometimes impossible, and we easily forget that those bodies also have their limits.

I am an active, sociable, travel-lover, happy young woman. A big dreamer and dream believer. Always wanting to give and get more from life, regardless the limits this same life can have for me. And then one day, this January 2015, I had to STOP. Or I should rather say: my back said STOP to me.
I've had some back problems already in the past, but this time I got hit really hard. And I can tell you: when you spend your days being hardly able to move, almost crawling to the bathroom and eating while lying on your belly because this is the position in which it doesn't hurt that much - you can either give up or fight it. In the end it's all in your head and how you will think of it.
You will have moments of doubts. I had moments when I wished I had some magic powers to simply take out my old backbone from under my skin and replace it with a brand new. But life is not a movie and I am not a magician.
You will try to look for sympathy and comfort in motivational books, in prayer, in a chit-chat with your Mom. It will work, but next time your sciatic nerve kicks you and almost puts you down - you will easily forget these.
But remember: one day the pain will calm down, you will finally be able to walk in the apartment a bit, cook a little something for you (instead of eating ready sandwiches or salads), take the lift to the ground floor to check your mailbox. And only then you will realize how even such small daily activities can make you happy. Things that maybe you didn't pay attention to until you lost them.


"Every problem is an opportunity in disguise". Today I truly believe that. You can even turn your sickleave into "fun" holidays: watching movies, series, reading books, writing your journal, replying to e-mails you didn't have time for before. And when you have so much time to kill, you also start thinking about your life, you realize what is really important for you and what is not, you re-prioritize, you amend your New Year's resolutions, you start dreaming about doing things you've never even thought of before. And then you tell yourself: once I get myself out of this, I will do my best to become the person I promised myself to become when I was stuck in my bed for a few weeks.

What I will MOST remember from this experience though are the people around me, my Family and Friends, those living far away and those living close by, who were of great support to me during those hard times. Helpful, cheerful, loving, always there when I needed them most. It was great to know I was not alone in this.
"A friend in need is a friend indeed". I hope one day I'll be able to give back at least as much as I was given...

Today I can say that I won one battle, but this war is not over for me yet. But I'm ready to fight, as long as it will be necessary. There's simply too much at stake to give up now. It's my health... It's my life....