When a lockdown opens doors

At first there is panic. 
At first there is fear.
How am I going to cope with the obligation of staying at home basically 24/7?
What if the virus decides to knock at my door? 
What if it pays a visit to my family and friends as well?

Questions. Questions. Questions.
And not many answers. Not from Day 1.

And then you slowly start calming down.
You pause.
You stop and try to think it through.
You decide to figure it out. Somehow. There must be a way. 

You know that there will be sad news on the television every morning and every night.
You know that you will be overfed with information and that it will be exhausting.
You know that you will hear ambulances passing by outside a few times per day.
You know that there will be empty streets in your town.
You know that people will be looking at each other as if we were all enemies.
You know that you will feel like in a “Walking Dead” series if you finally decide to go for that
healthy walk outside.
You know that you will feel isolated at some point, even though you are not alone.
You know that there will be a lot of noise and silence at the same time.

But…
You also know that you don’t have to let it all invade your system and your life.
There are things you have no impact on. And this COVID-19 war is one of them. So just do
your best and relax! 
Enjoy this pause in your hectic life and do things for which you usually don’t have that much
time, if any.
Take a moment and try to see the world around you in different colors.

And maybe only then will you see that…
… life is short, time is precious and the moments lost are to be lost forever
… that message you were meaning to write or a call to make for so long - now is the perfect
time to do that!
… there are people, either close by or far away, who really care about you and will be
checking on you every day
… your significant other is a perfect guy to be with in a lockdown, or rather: he’s perfect
in general, it’s as simple as that! (yeah, you’re definitely in love girl!)
… change of the everyday environment, or rather being in the same one all the time, can be
a great trigger for new conversations, for questions you have never asked before, for ideas
you have never had before
… moving out from your apartment temporarily, with only some clothes and a few every-day
objects that you like, will help you realize that you’ve accumulated so much stuff at your place
which you actually don’t need
… that Chinese game of mahjong, that your boyfriend was trying to convince you to play
for months - that it’s actually pretty cool! And a great intellectual activity for the normally lazy
Sunday afternoons!
… those small details of the daily life you were too busy to see - they actually exist! (yes,
indeed, birds do sing)
… these “strange” times we live in are not some kind of attack on our liberty, but rather a box
of opportunities, an open door which welcomes you in, offering you space and time for your
creativity, your learning and your peace of mind…

It’s only up to you how you will live through these weeks of lockdown. Nobody will live them
for you. So please treat this time well. So that on D-Day, when we will all come out, you will be
able to tell yourself: I made it! And I didn’t waste a second of it!

Be good to yourself and most of all: take a good care of yourself and those around you!

2019 - Thank you! 2020 - I'll do my best not to disappoint you!

I think it’s never too late to write a thank you note to the year that has just passed. Even beginning of March is still acceptable. Don’t you think?

As long as 2015 was one of the hardest, if not THE hardest of all my lived years so far, 2019 was just the exact opposite. Or at least that’s what I thought in the beginning.
… 2019 put me in the place I had been dreaming of for years
… 2019 made me believe that true love doesn’t happen only in books and movies, that I can also write my own love story and make a romantic comedy of my own life
… 2019 helped me to understand that there are people I don’t really need in my life, that there are places I don’t need to go to if I don’t feel like, that there are things I don’t really need to do if I simply don’t want to
… 2019 made me a strong and self-confident woman
… 2019 was a great year, until it was not…

With the Autumn leaves and Winter snowflakes falling, my strength and self-confidence fell dramatically as well. Maybe it was just the usual seasonal disorder, maybe just lack of some vitamins, maybe a burn-out (or almost), or maybe something else. Whatever that was, or I should rather say: whatever that is, as it is still there, I hope 2020 will be the year of me getting back to who I used to be before that Autumn 2019. I hope that with the help of some good human beings, as well from the inside as from the outside of my circle of people, I’ll make it. I’ll listen more carefully to myself, to my needs, my feelings and my desires. I’ll get myself back on my feet, I’ll stand on the solid ground, I’ll have the courage to make some bold decisions and never look back. I’ll fight for myself as long as it will be necessary. Because I don’t really like the person I am today, I miss the “old” Anna and I hope she’ll be back soon.

Dear 2020,
We still have a long way to go together. I still have a long way in the process of fixing what has gone wrong with me in the last months. But I do hope, I do believe you can be another great year of my life. A lot will depend on me, I know that, as nobody will live my life for me. Fortunately, I’ve been blessed with the people that are with me every day, and who want to see me feeling better as well, so in the end - I think I will be ok!